Poor People Have Less Money, Study Finds

June 22, 2017 6:53 pm Published by

A group of researchers out of O DiscernibleU has just published a study that found that poor people have less money.  Dr. Anton Igottenurebich, lead investigator of the study explains, “our methodology was extremely rigorous: we analyzed over one hundred years of census records; we then triangulated those findings with data from comparisons between Myspace and Facebook users based on the extent of the lip pursing evident in their profile pictures; finally, we did experimental laboratory investigations that involved taking money away from extremely naive participants.  Next, we performed factor analyses on the data with and without varimax rotations (and then with it again) and made sure we excluded data from visible minorities in order to restrict our sample to only white hetero-normative college students; we even had some of our more ambitious grad students stay after-hours adding fictitious cases, but no matter how many of the conventional methods we used to try and doctor the data to fit our hypothesis, the results were exceptionally robust: more money equals less poverty or, inversely, less poverty equals more money.”  “However,” he cautioned, “we need to be careful in our interpretations.  These findings should in no way be taken as evidence that mo’ money necessarily means mo’ problems.”

“The Ig,” as he is affectionately known by his team, remained humble despite news of the acceptance of their paper into the prestigious British medical journal The Double-Edged Scalpel:  “I mean, we could have just done a Google search or Yahoo Answers query and come up with the same conclusions – heck, we could have just checked the dictionary – but I have a certain standard of living to maintain.  My Miata needs a tune-up.”

Categorised in:

This post was written by admin

Comments are closed here.